1) You call up your web host on the phone and tell them you need Ruby, after a long pause they tell you Ruby has gone home for the day.

2) You email your web hosting company asking them to upgrade to PHP 5 and they explain they cannot because their billing software doesn't support PHP 5.

3) Their logo has a reptile in it.

4) If you actually used 1/10 of the '600 Gigs of Web Hosting Space' on their shared hosting plan your website would be suspended faster than CBS suspended Imus.

5) You got a free .com domain name a year ago but today you have to pay $24.95 to renew it.

6) Live Help is only online once the owner gets home from working all day at the local Gap Store.

7) You call your web hosting company and ask them if the use LAMP? You get a reply "No, we have fluorescent lighting."

8) You open up their homepage in your web browser to find their customer support number. It's not on their homepage so you check their About page, not there either so you check their Contact page, what? They don't offer phone support.

9) You thought 98% up-time sounded good until you did some basic arithmetic and figured out your website would be down over 168 hours per year.

10) You finally found the number to your web host and when you call the tech rep says... well nobody knows what the tech rep said because you cannot understand him through his thick foreign accent.